The Solo Office Luncheon Adventure

Tight deadlines, fluctuating schedules, sudden hanger pangs, lunch bags packed with home cooked food,  diverse preferences, colleagues scattered all over a ginormous campus and a host of other factors have contributed to my recent mastery of the art of a Solo Office Lunch.  A taboo subject with most people (especially ladies), I seem to have crossed the barrier of ‘staring hard at cellphone screen while eating in order to appear busy’ and confidently arrived at ‘taking a table bang in the middle of the food court so as to shamelessly observe the multitudes while chomping on a chicken bone loudly’. While I am incredibly proud of my progress, I still succumb to the temptation of treating the event as a chore that needs to be hurriedly completed. And that is where I disappoint myself - for food has always been a leisure activity for me and the presence of company, or lack thereof, should not prove to be a dominating damper on my culinary entertainment.

So today, I decided to push the envelope. Instead of purchasing a coupon from a regular counter, occupying the nearest available seat and eating an often eaten meal, I decided to have a Solo Lunch in grand style.  I had skipped breakfast and was incredible hungry and a monotonous lunch would not satisfy me today. So I decided to go in for the capital treatment believing it would not turn into capital punishment.

Rajdhani is a fancy vegetarian chain of restaurants and due to its brand name, it has been given a special seating section in our food court - cordoned off with blue ribbons, special steel crockery (a huge plate with six bowls and a glass), table napkins, an elegant counter to make an exorbitant payment and a group of waiters to serve and observe you. It is the ideal place for large team lunches or romantic dates in the middle of an otherwise noisy and stampede prone food court. Today I was ready to challenge my own inhibitions and sample the reputed cuisine and make a celebration out of an ordinary Solo Lunch. Needless to say I received a wide array of responses, which are worth sharing with all of you :)

Partial Deafness Syndrome – This is usually exhibited by the maitre ‘d/restaurant manager the moment you enter and ask ‘Do you serve lunch for one person?’. Rest assured, he has heard you clearly the first time around. Yet he will always feel the need to ask you to repeat yourself. This is either meant to tickle his invisible funnybone or satiate his incredulous disbelief.

The Giggles – This sound will accompany you all the way to the seating table and will emanate from the adolescent male staff who have never seen a lady willingly eat alone. The giggles increase when the head waiter is trying to figure out how to seat the lady honorably at a table meant for six.

The Sympathy Stare – This expression is found on the ageing staff members or usually the chef’s team – they attribute this situation to some misfortune in the lady’s previous life and take it upon themselves to compensate for her assumed loneliness by stuffing her with enough food, capable of making a buffalo explode.

The Serving Enthusiasm syndrome – How many waiters would it take to serve 1 lady who has a normal appetite and eats at a not too fast pace? You think the answer would be 1 but you would change your mind when you see the number of helping hands hovering around the table. This is due to the staff;s mental tendency of ‘hey there’s something a little bizarre happening at my boring workplace today and I want to be close to the action’. Irritating? Not at all. In fact the Serving Enthusiasm syndrome often contributes to the lady getting a taste of ‘Minor Celebrity in Spotlight’ syndrome.

The ‘Have No Real Purpose’ Stare – This will commence once the lady starts eating and will continue throughout the meal. After a point of time, the source of the staring has also forgotten why he is staring since the event has become progressively boring. But the law of inertia affects us all and what we start, we often find impossible to stop.

The Embarrassed Acquaintance – This phenomenon is almost always a lucky/unlucky coincidence. The moment you decide to have a solo lunch in peace and style, someone you know will land up at the same venue with a group of friends. What follows is a big wave from your end (a greeting, not an invitation) and a very embarrassed look from the other end – this look is usually a combination of embarrassment (do I actually know this weirdo) and pity (hey maybe I should check up on her tomorrow so that she doesn’t need to eat a sorry lunch alone). Either way, it always puts the lady at ease because the embarrassment burden has now shifted. You are now no longer the most embarrassed and conscious person at the venue.

Admiring Envinions – This can originate from any gender and though rare, it is a tremendous boost to the self-esteem. During the course of your Solo Lunch, you will receive a few admiring/envious stares from people who have often dreamt of a grand lunch alone but have never found the confidence to implement their unfulfilled dream. Smile back at these people because you are their inspiration now.

The Unexpected Phone Call – If you are wallowing in self pity and are desperately waiting for the phone to ring, it never will. Just sit back and relax and enjoy your meal – remember that you deserve a nice lunch without getting affected by public judgment and prying eyes. The moment you start easing into the activity, your phone screen may light up and bring a smile to your face. Either it’s a call from a loved one far away or your colleague at her office desk, determined to eat a solo snack in the privacy of her own cubicle due to lack of company as well. The last leg of your culinary journey receives an unexpected twist when you can tempt her to join you thereby saving a fellow member from an unsatisfactory meal. Life is unpredictable!

At the end of this rather amusing journey, I achieved what I originally set out to do. I had a fantastic meal, savored some new cuisine, enjoyed 30 minutes of peace in an otherwise stressful day and came back to my desk recharged and happy.  And to top it all, I was thoroughly entertained! Now compare this to ‘grabbing hold of some cheap company for the sake of a public appearance and spending your hard earned lunch break in totally misery as your companion eats your brain alive with mindless chatter’ – and you will also learn to embrace and love the concept of the Solo Office Lunch.

Disclaimer – This article is not meant to indicate that only male staff members/passerby s will exhibit above reactions. Women stare harder, sometimes without blinking, for longer stretches of time.